WORLD OF RAWR

2019 was quite a time for growing and learning in a lot of ways. I did a lot of traveling and not as much wrestling as I would have liked except for right around the holidays. In particular, I got the chance to meet with some people I honestly was NOT expecting to in the most random places and times.

For those, I am thankful. In particular, I felt ... growth? It's one thing for you to be out and trying to get the matches you can as they come and all of the things that go along with that, but there's also something to be said about actually getting better at everything.

After meeting up with the people I've met up with this year, I come into 2020 feeling a bit stronger and having that strength recognized by, frankly, the last people I would have expected it from. It was a happy, but solemn moment. This year, I want to lean into that in all the ways I can and see what comes of it. I'll start with a regular walking habit and see how it evolves.

Also? I have always believed myself a more playful person on [insert wrestling platform] here and have said as much on my profile. One of the people I met up with this year initially didn't know if we'd be a good match up because of that descriptor, but then upon meeting had a change of heart. It was interesting for both of us and we talked about it for a bit.

Although I don't think about it much, I try to match my opponent's energy and give what I can to the match. Does that make me competitive? I don't know. Not to the degree that some might be, but maybe moreso than even I would give myself credit for. Someone once said to me that the warrior spirit is developed little by little with every action and thought if we're open to it and maybe that's what nearly 6 years and 43 matches have done. Who knows?

Maybe I should update my profile but then that means some of you will expect more from me and I am honestly just wrestling for the cookies and ice cream you'll feed me after I win. :P

Here's to hoping I meet more of you and more matches and fun for all of you everywhere. Here's also to hoping I somehow wind up near Bowling Green, KY or something.

So I’m taking a trip to the land of Ohio to visit a friend but might be able to squeeze a match or two right on in.

Maybe I’ll run into some of you while I’m there.

Aside that, things are going fairly well. I got some wrestling in for the first time in a while and it felt pretty good to stretch my limbs a bit. I’ll let the recommends tell that story.

The morning comes early so I’m off to bed. More coherent entries to come!

There was a whole trip to New York back in July where I spent a week with Nick and meet a number of others like Ky, Virgo and Mr. Woodbridge.

This trip was more for visiting family, but getting a bit of wrestling and just roaming the city was nice. It was as if I hadn't left. Unfortunately, due to the trip being mid-week, I found most people were busy with work. I've also learned that, should I plan an actual wrestling trip in the future, having a meeting place would be a good idea.

As usual, hanging out with Nick was super cool and seeing him walking around and talking to people was interesting; he's a very warm personality and will talk to anyone at a moment's notice about nearly anything.

Nathan's still has wonderful hot dogs, Staten Island has good Sri Lankan food, and the city feels like I never left it. I'll have to go back soon.

I went on a cruise about a month later and it is a shame that there's no good way to find wrestlers on cruises, because I would have been SOOO down for that. The cruise was an enjoyable, quiet getaway, though. I got a ton of reading and writing done.

Now that I'm back in GA, I'll have to see about this GA, TN, and SC people.

Here's to getting some end of summer wrestling in!

o/

This entry is about meetups. It's that time of the year I end up either loving or lamenting because of how many people I have/haven't locked up with even with them living in the same state. It's a lot of time without a lot of rolling this go-round and that is what it is. However, in the times that I look into the meetings I've set up or failed to set up and execute, I find that there are two major factors:

• Time
• Interest

The order is such on purpose. No matter how much interest I may have, if I don't have time then the interest is a moot point. I would add priorities here, but honestly if you are a member of this website who also bills and those bills are not paid by wrestling people here, then the priorities will be skewed as such.

I think we should be more understanding of that. Keeping that in mind we have 24 hours. About 8 of those are spent at work unless we're on vacation and not dealing with familial obligations. That's fine. What's not fine is scheduling things with people when you know your priorities don't allow that.

This was addressed in a previous entry, but again: everyone has their motivations. I don't want to wrestle every wrestler I've met. That is fine. Every wrestler I've met doesn't want to wrestle me, either. That's also fine.

Where you get someone with the interest and the time to meetup, then let battle be joined and let's keep hoping (and making plans along those lines) for an amount of free time that lets us satisfy our interests.

For example: my upcoming trip to New York :D

Today, we are going to talk about meetups. Specifically my experience here, but by extension, yours (well, some of you).

In particular, following this entry about bodies, we should talk about the next logical thing which is choice or why do people pick who they pick or don't. That's usually pretty simple stuff, but our ego tends to get in the way. Without that, we have:

• People who wrestle competitively.
• People who wrestle for fun.
• People who "wrestle for sex"

The third is in quotes here because some people can be very erotic in their wrestling and have no interest in intercourse. Most of these three things exist on a spectrum; people are rarely purely one or another of these things because we're not simple like that which brings up a major point:

Some people wrestle people just because they are attracted to them physically. Again, no interest in intercourse, but they must be attracted to the people they wrestle on a physical level. This is where we get people who have an unusually long list of qualifiers for people they wrestle.

So now we get to the point of this entry which is: Why won't this person wrestle me? I'm mad about it. There's no reason they shouldn't.

Here's the thing, right: We should wrestle or work to wrestle with people that want to wrestle with us. The rest can go provided they aren't being awful. The exchanges and frustrations we feel could easily be lessened by simply wrestling people who are interested in wrestling with us.

Additionally, being aware of your audience is key. If you're going to be dealing with highly competitive people, there's going to be a level of fitness you'll need to have. If you're dealing with more erotic things, your appearance and the attraction between you and another person will be a factor.

That is going to be a thing with any person on the site and that is fine. People can just not wrestle people and that not be an offensive thing. Disappointing? Certainly, but it's not something that we should punish someone for nor something that warrants punishment. We only have so much time and that should be used to embrace that which embraces us back. I have emails in my inbox right now where I said, "Wanna wrestle" and got a "no thank you" back. I have just as many where nothing has been said at all in response for months. Each of those get treated the same: a clear note to move on to whatever else is happening out here because as important and cool as we all know we are, we just aren't going to appeal to everyone.

That's OK. We don't have to. We only have to appeal to the ones we're "meant for" where the comraderie is there and the bonds built will be strong. It's almost like romance except it isn't... most of the time.

I don’t know how or why, but somehow I’m profile of the day today.

Thank you?/! I’m stunned. Also, I hope everyone reads the profile and enjoys.

Today, we are going to talk about bodies. Specifically mine, but by extension, yours (well, some of you) with a thick layer of humor on top.

In particular, I want to talk about my ongoing battle with "I have so many things I can do that are athletics or mostly athletic with ease, but I still don't look like these people I want to meet up with because I like cheeseburgers and also how the hell am I appealing to any of these people I've met so far?"

If that's you, keep reading.

After being here for nearly four years now and having about 7.5 matches per year (which seems damn-near miraculous considering where they came from), I spend a lot of time wondering whether the next four years will continue to find people who think I'm worth the effort to wrestle. Mind, the answers are in DMs and inboxes and text messages and past opponents, most of which mutually agree we will wrestle in the future, but that doesn't stop the thoughts like this one from rearing it's ugly head at 5AM for at least 30 minutes when I walk into the bathroom and turn on a light.

In those few moments, I either feel like I'm worth the space I occupy or I'm not because that the thing right: no one sees this moment but myself and dealing with myself usually brings harsher responses than are probably healthy ranging from heavy critique to "let me sit down and study every single thing that's ever been written about bodybuilding and nutrition" with a dash of why the eff haven't you done this yet before I ignore it all and start peeing.

Cue walking past the mirror on the way out, nodding with approval or sighing with something like "whatever" and then walking out.

I've sat here for some time trying to determine what to do and have only come to three honest conclusions which, of my nature, come with heavy internal dialog. Feel free to follow along.

• Go super hardcore vegan and commit myself to the monastic life of never doing another thing in life except the study of God and gains. At least, that's what it feels like. There's just so much to do and it never seems like you can do a small thing. Everything after a point is like: wake up at 6AM, workout for like 3 hours, run a marathon, swim for a mile. Every other day. Before breakfast. Like... I cannot. The gym is a bit better; I'm getting more comfortable there with the equipment, but you can't just pick things up, right? Like you need a plan for that. It's a daunting thing and they just opened up a fried chicken spot next door...
• Just wrestle and see what happens. Alright cool, let's see what we can do with that. I'll just wrestle as-is and pick things up along the way. Sounds great. I'll just check this profile. *Fifteen profiles later*. Everyone looks like Atlas, I'm going to take a walk and punch a tree.
• Some in-between thing. I've tried randomly experimenting just to do see what I could do if I want to do it. So far, I've tried doing 100 pushups every other day. That went well until I got unfocused. Same thing with pullups. Same thing with a few things. Accountability is easier with friends or other reminders that you have things to do and being tired/unmotivated is not on that list.

Well, Synxiec, you either have to do those things or not instead of writing an entire blog about it. Wouldn't it just be better to actually fix the problem.

Well, my dear opinionated reader, I already have. This blog isn't for me. This blog is for people like me. Now, shhhh and go away or offer your personal training services and fee schedule to someone who needs a boost.

Nah, this blog is to let you know that these problems are common ones. As things are now, I live here and don't have a car. That means I need to either take a cab, bus, or bike to go places. Everywhere I walk involves hills, so unless I have a need to get to a place by a specific time, I walk there. Aside from that, I have a casino rueda class I go to every week for 2 hours. Here's what that looks like. It looks cool, but making this stuff flow takes work. I've been at it for a year. Classes are once a week. I went from 1 hour to 2 because I had to have that.

But none of that or those combinations of things makes me athletic-looking. That said, that look has little to do with what I'm actually capable of doing, which is a fair amount of things. Therein is the point of fitness. Attractiveness to possible wrestling partners, regardless of the reason, the point of all of this fitness we do is so that we can physically do what we want to do when we want to do it without concerns about impacting our health from overexerting. I normally dance for two hours, but I can dance for 4 if I want to and not be concerned. Everything else is aesthetics and we have to be aware of that.

If you are going to exercise, then start there: what do you want to do and what condition do you need to be in for the most enjoyment of that thing you want to do? Pursue that. Exercise isn't a weapon for conquering insecurities (although that can be a side-effect). Exercise is a means to an end. That end is always enjoyment. Whether it is endurance, an extra sub, the admiration of your peers and so on. However, you are fine as you are. You're not just a body regardless of who is or isn't attracted to it.

This was a bit long of a blog for a single point.

Well, if insecurities weren't a labyrinthine maze, we wouldn't be here. But they are, aren't they?