hugefan's blog

Just as the millennium wasn't really 2000 years after the birth of Christ (there was no year zero AD folks) my 100th meet will in fact be about my 110th meet of different opponents. For some scandalous reason when someone leaves the site they no longer count as one of your past opponents so like the penny machine at the fair ground I add one on and two or three drop off, the ever elusive 100 star next to my name never appears. Why do I care? Well I don't really but like the millennium, it may have no real significance but it is symbolic. Or put another way - I WANT MY STAR !

To those of you who I met and then decided to leave the site, let me just say -

1/ If you have a boyfriend just tell them you wrestle or keep your secret hobby better hidden so you don't end up being caught out, having relationship threatening fights and have to leave the site
2/ If you are married to a woman just don't get caught
3/ If you decide you don't like wrestling and zumba is more your thing, just leave your profile on here, the little pink egg timer won't kill you, just think of me and my HUNDRED STAR

Having established I am being robbed, cheated and conned out of my rightful star I would now like to advertise for candidates for my 100th official meet. You may say but you are only on 98 what is the rush but I have a horny teddy bear lined up for 99 and I think my100th should be my fantasy perfect wrestler (no offence teddy I am just day dreaming here)

So - my requirements, these are very modest -

1/ Perfect body (to clarify, I have very broad tastes, Brad Pitt, Alec Baldwin in his younger days, Hugh Jackman, most of the cast of Home and Away would all do and I am not a height facist, small but perfectly formed is fine)
2/ Someone who thinks I look good (no point in meeting Brad or Alec if they say what's up tubby?) So that may require someone with sight problems or good acting skills hence Brad, Alec etc etc
3/ Someone who enjoys (or at least doesn't object) to having their nipples played with, purely as part of the art of wrestling obviously
4/ Someone who won't snore when I waffle
5/ Someone who will never leave the site, so that I can forever point to them, blush and say -' I met them, you know'
6/ Either a good wrestler or a good jobber or both, I want to get sweaty
7/ Ideally someone who will meet me more than once (there are some who have you know)

If you fit four out of seven of the above criteria please apply in writing to my profile address, if you fit one or two of the above please also apply or in fact if you have even read this blog and live on the same continent lets meet or if you ever intend to holiday in the UK or have seen any film with said actors or an episode of Home and Away, you will probably do.

What have I got to offer in return -

1/ The longest recommendation you will ever get (who needs five recommendations that say you are a good meet, safe and sane when you can have one waffle fest that fills your whole screen)
2/ A promise that I will never remove my profile, if the cats find out about my secret hobby I will let them blackmail me for catnip before I remove it)
3/ A work in progress but less lardy body, I may still get chunky rather than hunky but the thighs aren't bad and I have something closer to triceps than bingo wings now.
4/ I am pretty reliable, I know it's not glamorous but if I have to cancel last minute it will be due to death, plague or serious injury not just because I forgot Home and Away was on (there is always catch up)

Interested? Anyone? Please......

.... except no one here wants to wrestle. You would think it's a niche hobby or something.

Ok, so I have managed to drag someone up from Essex to meet in Ipswich (which was lovely) but really there must be some guys in Norfolk or Suffolk who don't just want to wrestle on the pig farms (don't say they wouldn't be able to tell the difference wrestling me)

I suppose I have come to realise how lucky I was living in London, it seems like apart from Manchester and London there is just a sea of notmeetfighters. Of course London also has the added bonus of those lovely travellers waiting to be lassoed at the airports and dragged back to my evil lair.

So apart from the lack of Wrestling I thought I might share my thoughts on the positives and negatives of small town Lowestoft -

Good points

1/ lovely beach
2/ surprisingly high quality totty, I say surprisingly only because i thought central London had the highest percentage of hotness in the world but downtown lowestoft has quite a nice beef selection as well as some pork.
3/ You don't need to get on the tube
4/ You go into shops and the items are on the shelves, neatly on the shelves rather than on the floor
5/ a lot of people smile and sometimes they just strike up a conversation. Now this does happen sometimes in London but generally if they smile you think they are out of their head on something and if they speak you think they are going to mug you or have missed one too many appointment at the psychiatric unit
6/ people are generally shorter. This is a plus point for me because I don't have any predjudice against short but perfectly formed and I like to feel like a giant
7/ you can wander around at odd times of the day or night, explore back streets and not worry that you might run into a smiling mugger (see 5) Obviously nowhere is crime free but the most dangerous thing here appears to be that they switch off the street lights at midnight. Finding your way home in the dark can be an adventure.
8/ Because of it's, how shall we put this politely, remoteness, no one ever seems to tell shop owners that their chain has been shut down. When was the last time you saw a Wimpey bar? I am sure if I look hard enough I will find a Woolworths.
9/ Things are generally cheaper
10/ There is a chip shop on nearly every corner and they are good chips.

Bad points

1/ There are chip shops on nearly every corner (I am not smoking but I am on 100 chips a day)
2/The pigeons are huge and make this terrible screechy noise and try to steal your chips (who said seagulls?)
3/ Everything shuts at 530 and I mean nearly everything. The eight oclock Tescos is the nearest to an all night shop in town.
4/ It is all a bit white. I am so used to Tottenham that I nearly had an orgasm over the hot black assistant in JD sports. Thankfully I managed to contain myself and instead had a long conversation about football which anyone will tell you is similar to the Pope discussing gay sex (i.e, not easy or for him natural)
5/ People talk to me. This can be a good point as item 5 above but for a London hermit it is a bit of a culture shock. Thank goodness for self service check outs.

So good outweighs bad by 10 to 5, I would say that is a good margin.

So why you may ask am I writing all this waffle about something that has nothing to do with wrestling. Simples - there is no one here to wrestle! So get on your bikes and out of your farm yards and meet me for a wrestle or I will be forced to make you suffer more waffle blogs.

You have been warned!

When do you count an anniversary from?

If it was a relationship would you count, first glance,first date, first kiss, first use of the love word or first sexual encounter?

When should I count the start of my love affair with wrestling? I joined this site on the 27th February last year but didn't managed to meet anyone till the 23rd of March, so I have chosen today as my wrestling birthday. In case anyone is interested, anything with chocolate or deep fried will be gratefully received as a suitable present. Deep fried and with chocolate, i will take as a marriage proposal.

So one year on, with 12845 messages in my inbox(I have replied to most of them) about fifty meets, one no show, a couple of slightly odd meets but loads of great experiences, I feel like this is a date worth marking (don't forget deep fried food or chocolate)

I have made some good friends, had some great wrestles, been the big bad heel and been the ragdoll in King Kongs fist, tried some gut punching, indulged my love of nipples (only when agreed) and chatted with people who I may never meet but who keep me entertained when the trash on tv is even too trashy for me.

What next? Well I have had almost three weeks without a wrestling meet and I wonder if I have used up all the available opponents. As a professional stalker I do spend more time messaging then wrestling (by a factor of about fifty) and still it seems hard to find new meets. I have learned that there are those who just never meet anyone, to those I say give it a go! And to those who find replying to a page long message too much effort - I would honestly prefer, piss off to being ignored. I completely understand, people have their own tastes, their own age ranges, their own style preferences, weight ranges and for some looks are very important. But to those I would say, don't be too fixated with your perfect match, it is meetfighters.com not match.com. I have had some of my best meets with guys who are not a great match in terms of stats, 17 years older to 23 years younger, three inches taller to a foot shorter, four stones lighter to three stones heavier, from as beautiful as a movie star to as ordinary as, well, me.

So what does that tell you, I am just not fussy? Well partly but I am also open to experiences and love wrestling! So, if you do by any chance read this, why not go outside your usual type and send me a message!

Happy Wrestling Birthday to any other one year olds !

It was bound to happen. Having had cancellations in the past, three days before, a day before and even on the day it was only a matter of time before the dreaded no show occurred.

having taken the standard precautions, exchanged messages, reminded the week before, messaged on the day, provided a mobile number in case of emergency mishaps, nothing could possibly go wrong.

I arrive in good time. Ten minutes pass. I know he is driving, must be having trouble parking. I play the casual staring game. Looming figures coming out of the dark and rain. I try to discretely look without staring and god forbid smiling. I don't want my first no show to turn into my first street fight.

'Mmmmm, he looks nice. Wonder if he fancies a wrestle.' 'is that him, has he grown a beard since he sent the photo' 'that could be him but he seems to have grown two feet' 'is that man smiling at me because he recognises me or... no, he's pissed' 'can I have a light' the young handsome eastern European asks, 'certainly', I reply, 'and do you like stripping down to your pants and getting sweaty with random men' I casually and silently enquire. Sexual encounter over, I check the time. Fifteen minutes late. I let the mat room know, full of apologies. Back to the game of face recognition. It suddenly becomes clear why police line ups are so unreliable, a face so clear in my mind only this morning morphs into a variety of shapes and sizes. That guy has his eyes, another his nose, someone else his eyebrows, all i needed was a potato and I could play Mr potato head. Not that my opponent looks like a potato, I must add, I don't wait forty minutes developing pneumonia for an ugly bloke. I might be a nice guy but I am not completely stupid.

So, I wonder, what is the appropriate length of time to wait without even getting a message. Why do I feel guilty after forty minutes of life endangering face staring and bone savaging damp London weather?

I leave. I should be angry but somehow I wonder if I got something wrong. Go home. No, I had the right day. I had the right time. No message from Mr Hot but unreliable.

Now the question is, should I follow up my first no show with my first 'flag' of complaint. He sounded like such a decent guy. Maybe something dreadful happened to him and I will forever feel guilty if I have complained.

I decide I will wait and see if I get an apology or even an explanation. I play my face recognition test one last time - could that be him - no, its my cat, at least i can rely on him.

I am frightened to write what I am thinking because if anyone reads it they will think I am even weirder than I actually am, which is a fairly tall order admittedly but not impossible. My only consolation is that with a readership averaging about ten, most of those people know i am nuts anyway.

Also in the true tradition of MA (Meetfighters Anonymous) the first step is to admit that I cannot control my addiction or compulsion. I wake up with meetfighters open, I go to sleep with meetfighters open, thankfully I have no smart phone so spend the day wondering if i have received any messages without having the chance to check. I open the door excitedly, find i have two new messages, unfortunately one is a profile update notification. I say unfortunately but it gives me an excuse to send the guy a message asking if he moved a full stop so that he would appear on the front page as an updated profile. Luckily he is one of the guys i have actually met and knows this is my idea of humour.

So what did I do before I found this wonderful, frustrating, addictive site? Did I have a life or was I just more of a goggle eyed trash tv addict than I still am?

Do addictive personalities exist I ponder as i take a puff on my roll up and a sip of wine? Or is there something peculiar about this site, subliminal messages hidden in the side bar forcing me to check 'Who has seen my profile' every ten minutes and 'my favourites on line' every five?

Of course its not the actual site I am addicted to, lovely though it is to oggle fit bodies and exchange banter with people, it is really only a means to an end. A way of meeting guys, stripping off to my trunks and getting sweaty.

So what exactly is my addiction to? If you read my profile, and there is a prize for anyone that finishes it, which no one has claimed yet, you may get some idea. One aspect is that I do have a sadistic side. I enjoy applying controlled pain but I feel guilty even saying that. I get no pleasure from hurting someone who doesn't like a little bit of pain. Maybe if I changed the words it wouldn't sound so bad, how about I enjoy applying holds which induce intense sensations in my opponents. Yeah, yeah and bears leave chocolate logs with icing sugar in the woods.

But I also enjoy a good sweaty tussle where I am on the receiving end, not that I particularly like pain myself but I do enjoy the struggle.

And then there are the nipples. Why oh why did I ever mention nipples in my recommendations? Now everyone thinks I am just a complete perv when I actually I am virtually a nun, I just happen to be a nun who likes male nipples. I am not obsessed. I can happily wrestle someone without even accidentally brushing against a lovely perky nipple hiding in a forest of fur........

Sorry, yes, what was I saying. Nipples. Ok so I like nipples but again only if the other guy is into a bit of nipple investigation, you see I am a really considerate meet, my fun depends on the other guy having fun too.

Finally bodies. Yes, I like to wrestle guys with nice bodies and occasionally I get to meet a guy who turns me into a nine year old Justin Bieber fan who can't look at him without screaming and fainting. But, I have found that guys with human type features like myself rather than god like features can be great fun and one thing virtually all men of all shapes and sizes have in common are.... nipples. No, shit, I said it again. I am not a nipple fanatic, I am a serious sportsman (ok that's pushing it) but I do actually enjoy wrestling.

So... assembled members of MA, your nipples are safe, nipple attention is by invitation only, honest, really, I promise, scouts honour, swear on my favourite undies...