James's blog

Whew. Been a hot minute.

So. This year's kinda fuckin' crazy, huh?

I was really looking forward to making this year the one where I turn everything around! And in a way, I kind of managed to do that?

I got eye surgery (and it's healing well!), so now I can actually see what my instructor is doing in class. Hell, I started taking boxing classes. And I got diagnosed with ADHD, so that explains...a lot! Seems being in your 20s is where you really start learning more about yourself!

For example, I've learned that I struggle to stay motivated when I have nothing to lose. Like most of you, my gym (and my boxing gym) have been closed down for a while. This led to, unfortunately, a lack of drive to exercise! I live in a VERY small apartment with no workout equipment, so I was definitely (and shamefully) lazy for a good month after the quarantine kicked off up here.

I couldn't stand it. So my buddy held an ultimatum: Work out 3 days a week, or he's not gonna give me a fight when I visit him next. Obviously this worked, because I'm so fuckin' thirsty for a fight, and I hate disappointing people, so I HAD to get to working out. He gave me a cool conditioning workout, and that's been kicking my ass for about a month now.

Still, it's...a little disappointing to learn that about myself. I love boxing, I love fighting, and I don't know if it's just quarantine depression setting in, or a feeling that I can't learn without a group setting, but it was very unsettling to learn how easily I'll get knocked down. But that's not enough to make me stay down, not even close. I think I just needed to see how much I could do with nothing at my fingertips. I've never had to do that from nothing before, so I'm counting it all as part of the learning experience.

I wanna get back in the ring so, so fuckin' bad, y'all. I'm definitely not the first to say that this situation sucks. But I'm not leaving the safety of my apartment to potentially catch a deadly virus just to get my kicks. I love boxing but it's not worth risking the chance to never box again, hah.

Still, I've got a lot to be fighting for. I want to prove that I'm stronger than whatever bullshit is plaguing me right now. I've definitely got a lot of emotional issues going on right now, and life is pretty fuckin' scary when you've got anxiety like mine. I've got the fighting spirit, just need to power through and come out on top. And even if I don't, I at least have to power through. Otherwise there's no point in living.

When this is all over, I've got, like, 5 free months of BJJ, Judo, and MMA classes at my gym (I kept paying through the gym closure so they added that as a bonus) and you bet your ass I'm taking those classes. Boxing still feels right for me (and my ADHD-rattled brain), but wrestlign is never bad to know. And it's hot as fuck. So.

It's been a rough few months, fellas. Life's kind of been kicking my ass. But I can either submit to the bullshit or keep my gloves up and pray for the bell. And I'm no fuckin' quitter.

Stay safe. Gloves up. And wear a fucking mask.